I wonder how many rejections it takes in life (either as a child, teen or adult) before you start dreading any opportunity to get rejected again? Even though several of the guys in the clan invited me, hinted that I was practically already an honorary member, and encouraged me to join up -- I still wondered if they'd say "no" for some obscure reason.
"Sorry, we thought you were one of us, but then we realized..."
Heh-heh. In some ways, nothing has changed. After all, that was kind of the point. I've been playing on their servers for almost as long as I've played TF2, and I had no plans to stop playing with them. Therefore, it made perfect sense to "join them".
And yet. It's fascinating to watch one's own internal reaction to things. The slight resistance to giving up "my own name" and taking theirs onto mine.
From buttercup -- simple, straightforward, standing alone in the field.
To ]NsR[ buttercup -- a flower who belongs in a field with other...er... flowers. Hmm... somehow the metaphor breaks down a bit.
Then there's the vague distaste for having to be clearly labeled as on probation until they make it official. ]NsR-nF[ buttercup -- I'm a "new fish".
(I admit, however, that discovering the "nf" stands for "new fish" really warmed me up to it immediately. I like fish!)
And finally, there's the wondering... Will this last? Will it sour? Is it like so many relationships that seem to do so well when they live together and that fall apart after they get married? Will they change towards me now that I'm officially "one of the gang"? Maybe all the fun of the hunt -- the find and conquer -- is gone now, and I'm just old news. LOL.
Funny how even something like gaming can tap into all these "real life" human emotions. Good thing I can analyze this stuff and put it all in it's proper place. "Emotions! Get back in line! No more sissy stuff! The cart's not gonna push itself!!!!"
*grin*
Go Play at the NsR Servers! They Rock!
So here's a plug, by the way: If you live on the west coast of the US, check out the NsR servers (listed on their NsR clan website) -- it's a great place to play!
Posts
