Do you ever have conversations replay in your mind, and you think of more clever comebacks than you had before?
Maybe next time some silly male in TF2 asks me if I'm gay or if I'd do his girlfriend while he watches, I could come back with,
"No, I'm not gay, I don't have a web cam, I won't do your girlfriend -- even if you had one -- and as for your other questions, the answers are no, no, no, and in your dreams, fuzzball. I'm just here to play the game, how about the rest of you?"
LOL.
Okay, so maybe that would just make it worse. Trash talk is one area where replying in kind just throws gasoline on the fire.
What would YOU say?
What do you think? Any choice replies come to mind?
Showing posts with label social. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social. Show all posts
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Boys 2 Men: Levels of maturity
Been playing less often, but steadily, maybe once or twice a week. I'd like to play more, but it's enough. Real life deserves my attention, no matter how fun gaming is. As I play less often, the times that I do play, I want to have a GOOD time. The other night, I had an experience that reminded me how nice it is to have good friends on my list to play with.
The Background
As a female gamer, I find TF2 to be an great option. There are many things about the game that appeal to me: the opportunity to play various roles (great for my changing moods), the team-based play that encourages communication and bonding with other players (they say women are more about relationships than men), the variety of server environments (I can pick places that encourage a more mature approach to gaming, avoiding a constant stream of profanity, insults or generally infantile behavior).
As the Steam-powered approach to gaming takes further hold of the world, and more games are available, I find that more of my TF2 buddies are unavailable on the occasions that I log in to play. So I might find a couple dozen are playing games, but only half that are playing TF2. And half or more of THOSE might be on servers that are already full (people naturally gravitate towards places where there's already a good fight going on, rather than a mostly-empty server).
Good Gaming Friends Make All the Difference
My greatest enjoyment comes from playing with my "friends", people with whom I have good working relationships. I tend to lean towards folks who communicate well, who are relatively easy-going, who enjoy the game and don't get quickly frustrated with losing (it does happen), and who are committed to having a good time.
I love making friends with other good medics I can trust to keep me alive (while I return the favor and we both keep our team alive). I also look out for good players who I can take into battle and who I know will "get the job done" -- a reliable soldier, pyro, heavy or demo. Folks who are paying attention to the strategy and staying focused on the goal: winning the battle.
What To Do When My Friends Aren't Available
So when I log in and don't find any of my Steam friends available, it used to be a disappointment. I'd stare glumly at my server favorites, trying to find one that had room, even if none of my friends were there. And sometimes, when even THAT failed (if all my favs were full), then I'd just look for a fav map or a low ping server with some room on it. I'd scan the names of the current players, just to make sure there weren't any obvious clues that the players there were immature (watch out when most of the players on a server have names like "I Hate Gays" or "Penis Sucking Whore" or "I Slept with Your Mom Last Night"... it just doesn't bode well). Then I'd take the plunge.
Lately, I've stopped feeling glum about these forays into the unknown, because I have fun more often than not and inevitably seem to make a few more friends wherever I go. Part of this is due to the novelty of a female gamer, but I don't hold it against them if that's the only reason they friend me. As long as they're respectful, decent players and are there to have fun, then we'll do fine.
Infantile Behavior 101
This is slightly tongue-in-cheek, but I tell you what: There's a BIG difference between boys and men in the gaming world.
I hadn't really realized it, as I've been having such a good time with my regular friends. I guess it's sheltered me somewhat from the wide world of male idiocy. But the other night, I was given reason to be very thankful for the maturity of my usual servers and gaming friends.
A newer TF2 friend of mine, a young-sounding gamer who I enjoy playing with mostly because he's so talkative and eager to strategize, was on an unfamiliar server. I didn't have any of my regulars available, and I wanted to test out my new friend.
I don't think much of this or really make it some kind of a big deal, but when I add a new friend I do tend to take them for "a test drive" within a few weeks of adding them. I join them wherever they're at and see whether my initial assessment of their compatibility for my gaming preferences holds true.
Do we still work well together as a team? Do they still seem to enjoy playing with me? Do they get annoying or insulting or prove to be more trouble than they're worth?
If they are still fun to play with, they stay on my list. If not, I don't usually jump to remove them, but I don't seek them out again, either.
So I joined my new buddy on this server and heard a lot of young voices. I was in a cheerful, bantering mood, so the usual, "Buttercup, are you a GIRL?" question just made me smile and I answered in good humor. "Yep, sure am."
The questions continued, "Buttercup, what nationality are you?" That gave me pause, and I thought I knew where they were going with that. Laughing, I said, "I'm American!" Ha! I'm not going to give them some mental image of a particular skin color or stereotype to fantasize about. Silly boys. "Aww, that's cheating," they objected.
They took it further, "Buttercup, are you gay?" Oh, come on! Still in a good mood, I pretended not to hear (and actually, we were in a firefight that made it hard to be sure that's what they'd said). They repeated the question. I asked for another repeat and they got rather explicit about vagina to vagina contact.
Good heavens, boys! Get a life!
But they kept on about it and then it just got worse from there. They weren't really mean or anything, just obsessed with their little fantasies. Boys will be boys, they say.
However, when they started insulting my gameplay and slaughtering me just because of the conversation, the enjoyment just slipped away. Without comment, I disconnected and found another server. No longer in a mood for strategy or real teamwork, I logged into a server where an orange map free-for-all was in progress.
Ah, carnage!
My young friend chatted me directly after I disconnected, asking why I'd left. "Just not in the mood for the trash talk," I answered. He decided to come join me on the orange map, and, to his credit, he got over the shock of the environment and pretty quickly returned to the fun guy I'd originally met.
"Hey, let's do a medic team," he suggested. Two medics healing each other and ubering each other was pretty fun, though with 100% crits and the craziness of the gameplay we died A LOT.
But it was still fun.
The Contrast Between Boys and Men
Last night was the first time I'd played since that experience, and I ventured onto another new server. This time, it was a bunch of custom maps and all-talk was on. Obviously these guys were friends that played together a lot and there was a lot of banter. All-talk is the first warning sign that the game might be a useless free-for-all. So I was wary. I was watching.
They cussed without apology, even after they heard I was a girl. They fussed at each other about repeated headshots or spawn camping. They burped impressive burps while drinking homebrew and playing drunk. The "you're a girl?" comments were there, and yet... the difference between this friendly rivalry and the rude trash talk of the other night was striking.
The difference between boys and men in TF2? This is just my own personal rating system, but I'd say it's all in how they treat people.
If you can have a good time while still letting everyone around you enjoy the game, then you're doing pretty good. If you can't handle having a girl playing with you without harrassing her into leaving, then you've got some growing up to do.
Heh-heh. Just my opinion, of course. See ya'all on the battlefield.
The Background
As a female gamer, I find TF2 to be an great option. There are many things about the game that appeal to me: the opportunity to play various roles (great for my changing moods), the team-based play that encourages communication and bonding with other players (they say women are more about relationships than men), the variety of server environments (I can pick places that encourage a more mature approach to gaming, avoiding a constant stream of profanity, insults or generally infantile behavior).
As the Steam-powered approach to gaming takes further hold of the world, and more games are available, I find that more of my TF2 buddies are unavailable on the occasions that I log in to play. So I might find a couple dozen are playing games, but only half that are playing TF2. And half or more of THOSE might be on servers that are already full (people naturally gravitate towards places where there's already a good fight going on, rather than a mostly-empty server).
Good Gaming Friends Make All the Difference
My greatest enjoyment comes from playing with my "friends", people with whom I have good working relationships. I tend to lean towards folks who communicate well, who are relatively easy-going, who enjoy the game and don't get quickly frustrated with losing (it does happen), and who are committed to having a good time.
I love making friends with other good medics I can trust to keep me alive (while I return the favor and we both keep our team alive). I also look out for good players who I can take into battle and who I know will "get the job done" -- a reliable soldier, pyro, heavy or demo. Folks who are paying attention to the strategy and staying focused on the goal: winning the battle.
What To Do When My Friends Aren't Available
So when I log in and don't find any of my Steam friends available, it used to be a disappointment. I'd stare glumly at my server favorites, trying to find one that had room, even if none of my friends were there. And sometimes, when even THAT failed (if all my favs were full), then I'd just look for a fav map or a low ping server with some room on it. I'd scan the names of the current players, just to make sure there weren't any obvious clues that the players there were immature (watch out when most of the players on a server have names like "I Hate Gays" or "Penis Sucking Whore" or "I Slept with Your Mom Last Night"... it just doesn't bode well). Then I'd take the plunge.
Lately, I've stopped feeling glum about these forays into the unknown, because I have fun more often than not and inevitably seem to make a few more friends wherever I go. Part of this is due to the novelty of a female gamer, but I don't hold it against them if that's the only reason they friend me. As long as they're respectful, decent players and are there to have fun, then we'll do fine.
Infantile Behavior 101
This is slightly tongue-in-cheek, but I tell you what: There's a BIG difference between boys and men in the gaming world.
I hadn't really realized it, as I've been having such a good time with my regular friends. I guess it's sheltered me somewhat from the wide world of male idiocy. But the other night, I was given reason to be very thankful for the maturity of my usual servers and gaming friends.
A newer TF2 friend of mine, a young-sounding gamer who I enjoy playing with mostly because he's so talkative and eager to strategize, was on an unfamiliar server. I didn't have any of my regulars available, and I wanted to test out my new friend.
I don't think much of this or really make it some kind of a big deal, but when I add a new friend I do tend to take them for "a test drive" within a few weeks of adding them. I join them wherever they're at and see whether my initial assessment of their compatibility for my gaming preferences holds true.
Do we still work well together as a team? Do they still seem to enjoy playing with me? Do they get annoying or insulting or prove to be more trouble than they're worth?
If they are still fun to play with, they stay on my list. If not, I don't usually jump to remove them, but I don't seek them out again, either.
So I joined my new buddy on this server and heard a lot of young voices. I was in a cheerful, bantering mood, so the usual, "Buttercup, are you a GIRL?" question just made me smile and I answered in good humor. "Yep, sure am."
The questions continued, "Buttercup, what nationality are you?" That gave me pause, and I thought I knew where they were going with that. Laughing, I said, "I'm American!" Ha! I'm not going to give them some mental image of a particular skin color or stereotype to fantasize about. Silly boys. "Aww, that's cheating," they objected.
They took it further, "Buttercup, are you gay?" Oh, come on! Still in a good mood, I pretended not to hear (and actually, we were in a firefight that made it hard to be sure that's what they'd said). They repeated the question. I asked for another repeat and they got rather explicit about vagina to vagina contact.
Good heavens, boys! Get a life!
But they kept on about it and then it just got worse from there. They weren't really mean or anything, just obsessed with their little fantasies. Boys will be boys, they say.
However, when they started insulting my gameplay and slaughtering me just because of the conversation, the enjoyment just slipped away. Without comment, I disconnected and found another server. No longer in a mood for strategy or real teamwork, I logged into a server where an orange map free-for-all was in progress.
Ah, carnage!
My young friend chatted me directly after I disconnected, asking why I'd left. "Just not in the mood for the trash talk," I answered. He decided to come join me on the orange map, and, to his credit, he got over the shock of the environment and pretty quickly returned to the fun guy I'd originally met.
"Hey, let's do a medic team," he suggested. Two medics healing each other and ubering each other was pretty fun, though with 100% crits and the craziness of the gameplay we died A LOT.
But it was still fun.
The Contrast Between Boys and Men
Last night was the first time I'd played since that experience, and I ventured onto another new server. This time, it was a bunch of custom maps and all-talk was on. Obviously these guys were friends that played together a lot and there was a lot of banter. All-talk is the first warning sign that the game might be a useless free-for-all. So I was wary. I was watching.
They cussed without apology, even after they heard I was a girl. They fussed at each other about repeated headshots or spawn camping. They burped impressive burps while drinking homebrew and playing drunk. The "you're a girl?" comments were there, and yet... the difference between this friendly rivalry and the rude trash talk of the other night was striking.
The difference between boys and men in TF2? This is just my own personal rating system, but I'd say it's all in how they treat people.
If you can have a good time while still letting everyone around you enjoy the game, then you're doing pretty good. If you can't handle having a girl playing with you without harrassing her into leaving, then you've got some growing up to do.
Heh-heh. Just my opinion, of course. See ya'all on the battlefield.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Social motivation
I'm interested in a lot of social / relational things about the Net. My personality is such that I desire deep connection with people. I have always been somewhat impatient with shallow polite conversation. I want to know what deeply moves a person. What makes them tick.
What things do they fear the most, in their darkest moments? What things do they love the most and what do they do to pursue what they love? What stops them from that pursuit of what they love?
What has been their greatest hurts, their highest moments of greatness? What's the best thing someone ever did for them? What's the best thing they ever did for someone else? What gets them through the daily grind of life? What hopes do they hold for the future? What do they hope to look back on at the end of their lives?
The questions in my mind about people I meet is endless.
I'm a deep dreamer, and want to look deeply into the souls of those around me. To connect. To understand. To find understanding.
How does this apply to gaming? Well, I find the social conventions of normal real life relationships often make it difficult to establish the sort of connection I'd like. We wear so many masks. We have such busy lives. We are often shy, fearful, uncertain and self-protective. We are hurt and walled up behind barriers of emotion or memory. We are different. We are sometimes blind to the hearts of others or not empathetic enough to see how someone else is the same as ourselves in some way.
Online, and in the past when I have corresponded in long-distance paper letters, there is the possibility for more. More trust. More feeling of safety due to a buffer of time and/or distance. More willingness to offer understanding. More effort expended into the relationship, because it takes effort to communicate by writing your thoughts, and when you take the time to do it, you are making an investment. And so you tend to be forgiving, in order to protect the investment you've made in the relationship. Isn't that odd? I find it fascinating.
For a while now, the biggest barrier for me has been lack of time. I haven't spent time online around the types of people I usually get along best with (the creatives and thinkers - whether artists, musicians, writers, programmers, gamers/game developers, geeks in general, etc).
Deciding to start gaming with TF2 has been a w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l experience for me personally. More than just the entertainment of the game. It has been a fascinating place to observe social interactions in a gaming environment, especially because Valve has created such a special environment with TF2. They have put great thought into making it something that ENCOURAGES teamwork, working together with strangers, establishing rapport and communication and ability to connect in a short time with others of such varied traits.
I realize not everyone is wired the same as I am. My husband never talked about the social aspects of the game as anything special or a reason to play the game. I think that's a guy thing (if I were to make free with a gender stereotype).
Even if you think of it as "just a game", take a moment and ask yourself about some of your most satisfying moments. Was it when someone noticed your contribution to the team? When you found a teammate who was willing to work together to destroy a difficult target? When you dominated the stats and several people friended you after a match?
What are some of the things you like about the social aspects of TF2?
What things do they fear the most, in their darkest moments? What things do they love the most and what do they do to pursue what they love? What stops them from that pursuit of what they love?
What has been their greatest hurts, their highest moments of greatness? What's the best thing someone ever did for them? What's the best thing they ever did for someone else? What gets them through the daily grind of life? What hopes do they hold for the future? What do they hope to look back on at the end of their lives?
The questions in my mind about people I meet is endless.
I'm a deep dreamer, and want to look deeply into the souls of those around me. To connect. To understand. To find understanding.
How does this apply to gaming? Well, I find the social conventions of normal real life relationships often make it difficult to establish the sort of connection I'd like. We wear so many masks. We have such busy lives. We are often shy, fearful, uncertain and self-protective. We are hurt and walled up behind barriers of emotion or memory. We are different. We are sometimes blind to the hearts of others or not empathetic enough to see how someone else is the same as ourselves in some way.
Online, and in the past when I have corresponded in long-distance paper letters, there is the possibility for more. More trust. More feeling of safety due to a buffer of time and/or distance. More willingness to offer understanding. More effort expended into the relationship, because it takes effort to communicate by writing your thoughts, and when you take the time to do it, you are making an investment. And so you tend to be forgiving, in order to protect the investment you've made in the relationship. Isn't that odd? I find it fascinating.
For a while now, the biggest barrier for me has been lack of time. I haven't spent time online around the types of people I usually get along best with (the creatives and thinkers - whether artists, musicians, writers, programmers, gamers/game developers, geeks in general, etc).
Deciding to start gaming with TF2 has been a w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l experience for me personally. More than just the entertainment of the game. It has been a fascinating place to observe social interactions in a gaming environment, especially because Valve has created such a special environment with TF2. They have put great thought into making it something that ENCOURAGES teamwork, working together with strangers, establishing rapport and communication and ability to connect in a short time with others of such varied traits.
I realize not everyone is wired the same as I am. My husband never talked about the social aspects of the game as anything special or a reason to play the game. I think that's a guy thing (if I were to make free with a gender stereotype).
Even if you think of it as "just a game", take a moment and ask yourself about some of your most satisfying moments. Was it when someone noticed your contribution to the team? When you found a teammate who was willing to work together to destroy a difficult target? When you dominated the stats and several people friended you after a match?
What are some of the things you like about the social aspects of TF2?
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